September 25, 2007 by Chrissy.

I wanted to take a moment and thank Kari Broda, once of my oldest, dearest friends, for arranging the fundraiser that is taking place this evening. I’m forever grateful for her commitment to make this event a success. Apparently, it’s turning into a bigger “gala” event than we could have imagined or wished for.

The generosity of Calgarians is overwhelming. I opened the Calgary Sun this morning to find an article on my family’s story…and I thought it was suppose to be in a pullout supplement. Instead, page five. Believe it or not, I’m a tad shy…and a tad uncomfortable being in the newspaper like that…but if it raises awareness about melanoma, then I can handle being on page five of the Calgary Sun. Not only that, but people are calling wanting to donate even more stuff to the silent auction tonight - which is great.

My hope is that we raise enough money so I can go to an alternative healing centre and meet with experts who can add valuable information to help my continued treatment.

I’m not sure if I will be there in person tonight, it depends on how I feel. But I ask that you all enjoy being with each other, catching up and enjoying a few bevvies in my honour.

Love ALL Ways,

Me

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September 25, 2007 by Chrissy.

At 4:30 pm this afternoon, I will once again find myself surrounded by medical machinery designed to scan my internal body. I’m not looking forward to it…being crammed into a machine that makes loud, crazy noises…and the only thing I have occupying my time, my mind is my thoughts.

Wanna talk about your mind racing 100 miles a minute…that’s what I’ll be experiencing in a few short hours…did the cancer spread? Has it stopped growing? By the Grace of God…have the tumors shrunk?

We’ve been working so hard with alternative healing options, and I really hope that our efforts have not gone in vien. Especially for Tony, who has read books and surfed the Net, met countless people who’ve offered bits of information here and there.

The big question is…how do we move forward if this cancer is growing? I don’t know if I have the strength to keep going. I’m tired. I pray for good news. I pray for good news….at worst, the tumors show no growth. At best, the tumors are shrinking.

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September 15, 2007 by Chrissy.

I’ve been working on thank you cards for our wedding, healing and baby shower gifts…but it’s taking longer than expected. My days are short…and sometimes it’s hard to find the time to sit and track down address and write thank you upon thank you. Especially when I want to spend my ‘good’ time with my baby. I trust you all understand.

Also, through the healing fund, I’ve been getting so many wonderful messages and I was want so badly to respond in person to each of them. I’m doing my best…so if you have not yet got a personal message from me…it will come, in time. Just know that I am forever grateful for everything everyone has ever done for me and for my family.

The support has been overwhelming - literally. There is no way that I could ever repay any of you for the love, support, kind words, prayers, thoughts, hugs, kisses, wishes, etc…

Well…Carah just walked in and I’ve not seen her in weeks…so I’m off to visit and snap out of this funktified mood…and I trust she can help me out.

Love and light - ciao for now,

Crystal

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September 15, 2007 by Chrissy.

I’m home. Trying to find our groove; not doing all that well to be honest. In a lot of pain, but we’re trying to find a balance of new drugs.

I’m not in the best of moods these past few days so I apologize for being a lump on a log. But, I’ve been MRS. POSITIVITY for far too long and now I need to be bitchy and mad at the world for awhile. At the end of the day, I’ve been handed a stick covered in sh*t, and I’m not entirely impressed. I mean, who would be?

I’ll get over this funk. That’s my nature. But for now, I’m going to take a few days to just be mad - mad at God, mad at my situation, mad that I can’t be the mother to by baby the way other mothers are able to be, mad that my poor husband has to play nurse maid to his wife and can’t just be a normal husband, mad that I’m in pain…everyday, mad that I don’t remember what “normal” feels like, mad that I’ve not been given my divine healing as I’ve prayed for every day, every moment….

You know, I’ve not really cried about my situation. I don’t think that’s healthy. I think I need to cry a little more…and maybe these feelings of anger will go away or at least not be so looming.

I wish I had a big bat…and some old windows. I’d love to just smash ‘em up. Now that’s therapy!

Never said this blog was going to be all roses & lilacs…so my bad if you came to check in with me hoping that all was well. The truth of the matter is cancer is like that…one day it’s OK, the next day it’s alright, the next day it’s not so bad, the next day is sucks ass.

One thing I know is that cancer is a journey…one hell of a journey. I wish someone would wake me from this nightmare.

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September 3, 2007 by Chrissy.

Hello everyone,

Finally I’ve found a moment to get online and update everyone on what’s been happening in my life. I apologize that it’s taken this long to post a simple message, but I don’t have many hours in the day…and I choose to spend them focused on healing, spending time with my daughter and husband. I also get tired easily…so that does not leave a lot of time to be surfing the net, emailing and blogging.

However, I plan to make more of an effort to keep in touch and keep all of you updated. I’m aware that many of you are eager to hear how things are going, so I promise to do better. With ALL the love and support and prayers I get from you, the least I can do is keep you up to date on my healing…and healing I am!

Our trip to Toronto was tainted by a minor trip to the hospital the week of August 23…I ended up getting a blood transfusion as my red blood cells plummeted, I had a fever of 40.1, my heart rate was 130 at rest and my blood pressure was really low. Of coure, the doctors don’t have any answers as to why…”it’s the cancer”. That’s all they say…then look to me for the answers. Strange.

Anyhoo, after three days in the hospital, I was given the release and told I was OK to fly…and so despite being scare and leaving my comfort zone, I boarded the plane and have been resting in Kingston, Ontario for the past week.

It’s been quiet. Just what I needed to be honest. My life the past month and a half has been nothing short of a “gong show”. A good “gong show”, but “gong show” nonetheless. It got to the point where I had no time for me, for my daughter, for my husband. Our life was too busy trying to find healers, chinese herbs, researching this…researching that…having vistors…doctors appointments…it was all too much.

Here, I’ve got nothing much to do but focus on healing and spending time with Mattea. I’m recovering well…I’m getting off the steroid which is a huge thing. My pain over the past three days has been tolerable…and I’m walking around the house without the use of my cane or walker. I have more energy…sleeping better at night…and my appetite is still hardy, which is great as well. The strange throbbing headaches have stopped, a tumor in my breast has disappeared, and the last CAT scan I got showed that the tumors in behind my eye (in the bone) have not grown since June 28. Again, good news.

I feel like my body is beginning to renew itself. I’m doing better now than I have in MONTHS. This is great…because technically, I should be getting worse, but I’m not. That’s because I’m HEALING. My tumors are shinking. The cancer is leaving my body and new vibrant healthy “full of life” cells are replacing the cancer…and my body is healing itself.

God gave us the tools…built our bodies to renew. I firmly believe that. I’m meeting people because of divine intervention who have the “know how” to unlock the healing power within myself…and I’m learning on my own as well:

Positive thinking
Biofeed back
Choosing my words carefully…”I’m healing,” “Thank you for my healing,” I’m cancer free,” ” Cancer is no longer a part of my life,” “I’m healed,” “I accept healthy living now,”
Healers
Chinese herbs
Juicing
Eating healthy foods
Prayer
Meditation

The only thing that frustrates me now is the sweats (grrrrrr) and the fact that I’m unable to carry Mattea. That makes me sad…but I’m there for her as much as possible. Oh yeah, and the Morphine. That shits powerful stuff…and I can’t wait until I no longer need it for pain management. It inhibits so much…my short term memory, my spelling, I can’t find the words for simple things, I get high all of a sudden (which can be fun at times). These are the rocks that I carry and hope to toss off a cliff one day soon.

I guess it’s time to log off. I’m hungry and a tasty lasagna waiting for me upstairs.

I think of you often. I’m overwhelmed by your love and support. Together, we can make me Calgary’s first melanoma patient to live and give my oncologist something to brag about….and not too mention, renew a little faith in all of us.

Love ALL Ways,

Crystal

PS: The morphine messes with my ability to write…to I hope this makes sense and there’s not too many spelling errors…as for grammar errors, whatever…I know the rules, but too lazy to apply them. After all, I’m a public relations major…writing used to be a big part of my life.

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