September 15, 2007 by Chrissy.

I’ve been working on thank you cards for our wedding, healing and baby shower gifts…but it’s taking longer than expected. My days are short…and sometimes it’s hard to find the time to sit and track down address and write thank you upon thank you. Especially when I want to spend my ‘good’ time with my baby. I trust you all understand.

Also, through the healing fund, I’ve been getting so many wonderful messages and I was want so badly to respond in person to each of them. I’m doing my best…so if you have not yet got a personal message from me…it will come, in time. Just know that I am forever grateful for everything everyone has ever done for me and for my family.

The support has been overwhelming - literally. There is no way that I could ever repay any of you for the love, support, kind words, prayers, thoughts, hugs, kisses, wishes, etc…

Well…Carah just walked in and I’ve not seen her in weeks…so I’m off to visit and snap out of this funktified mood…and I trust she can help me out.

Love and light - ciao for now,

Crystal

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September 15, 2007 by Chrissy.

I’m home. Trying to find our groove; not doing all that well to be honest. In a lot of pain, but we’re trying to find a balance of new drugs.

I’m not in the best of moods these past few days so I apologize for being a lump on a log. But, I’ve been MRS. POSITIVITY for far too long and now I need to be bitchy and mad at the world for awhile. At the end of the day, I’ve been handed a stick covered in sh*t, and I’m not entirely impressed. I mean, who would be?

I’ll get over this funk. That’s my nature. But for now, I’m going to take a few days to just be mad - mad at God, mad at my situation, mad that I can’t be the mother to by baby the way other mothers are able to be, mad that my poor husband has to play nurse maid to his wife and can’t just be a normal husband, mad that I’m in pain…everyday, mad that I don’t remember what “normal” feels like, mad that I’ve not been given my divine healing as I’ve prayed for every day, every moment….

You know, I’ve not really cried about my situation. I don’t think that’s healthy. I think I need to cry a little more…and maybe these feelings of anger will go away or at least not be so looming.

I wish I had a big bat…and some old windows. I’d love to just smash ‘em up. Now that’s therapy!

Never said this blog was going to be all roses & lilacs…so my bad if you came to check in with me hoping that all was well. The truth of the matter is cancer is like that…one day it’s OK, the next day it’s alright, the next day it’s not so bad, the next day is sucks ass.

One thing I know is that cancer is a journey…one hell of a journey. I wish someone would wake me from this nightmare.

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